Clean Sheet Club

Super heroes save lives.  Gingers communicate telepathically.  Tony poops beds.  Simple facts of life.  But what almost took place this year would have been a new and unimaginable way to metaphorically poop a bed.

Tony had dreamt of hoisting a bobblehead someday the way Ralphie dreamt about Red Rider beebie guns.  His odds of winning one over the years though had gotten…colder.  But like being hit in the face by a snowball thrown from an impossible angle while sitting in the passenger seat of a moving car with only one back window narrowly cracked open, the unthinkable can happen.

(SEINFELD GIF ABOUT THE SPIT HITTING THEM). The snowball came from the back and to the left.  Back, and to the left.

Tony was no stranger to Bobble Bowls.  This year marked his third appearance.  His kryptonite however, was walking away from one with a bobblehead.

In 2010, the same year he could be found at the Iron Man 2 premier in an iron man suit holding a double baconater, Tony found himself in his first Bobble Bowl.  But unlike Tony Stark, there was no storybook ending for Mr. Tony.  He ended up getting his ass kicked, losing to B Scott in the 2nd biggest blowout in Bobble Bowl history.  His dreams of bobble head glory had been expelliarmus’ed.

HARRY POTTER GIF

Tony handled that loss like he would handle Doritos going out of business.  He spent the next decade acting the nerdy, hard ass version of Peter Parker, slumming it more often than not in the bottom half of the standings, beating up on teams in the Relegation Playoffs.

PICTURE OF NERD PETER PARKER

It wasn’t until ten years after his 2010 loss that Tony finally remembered that there’s a reason why we fall.  He decided it was time to get himself back up.

And got back up he did.  Now much skinnier, married, a dad, and suburbanite?, Tony had seemingly left his bed pooping days behind him.  He came out the gates of his second Bobble Bowl against Billy like the kid from the never ending story, soaring on the wings of Alvin Kamara’s Christmas shoes.  He made such a splash, it sparked the commissioner to start drafting Tony’s championship article.  That is until Monday night football, where Tony was brought back to earth and the commish was sent back to the editing room.

NEVER ENDING SOTRY GIF?

Stefon Diggs, aka Mr Monday Night, posted 41.5 points (the most point Diggs had ever put up as a Buffalo Bill up to that point) and sent Tony from what he thought was a sure victory to yet another crushing defeat.

After playing just the tip with bobblehead glory now for the second time, it wasn’t clear how Tony would handle it this time around.

DESHI BASARA GIF

As he replayed Diggs destroying his bobblehead hopes in his head like Bane destroying Gotham, Tony quickly deshi basarsh’d his way back to the Bobble Bowl two short years later.  This time it would be against Cox, in a matchup that once again set himself up with a Monday night matchup with his fate in the hands of the Buffalo Bills.  With the Yahoo! projection odds in his favor, Tony could ginger sense that this might finally be his year.

Until the unthinkable happened.

The first ever canceling of a Monday Night Football game had, at that moment, handed Tony yet another Bobble Bowl loss courtesy of the Buffalo Bills.

Tony’s season was seemingly going to have a worse ending than his favorite dragon movie, Eragon 2.  So many thoughts raced through his head.  Could his elder wand fix this?  If only he were Superman…he could fly around the world, reverse time and make things right.  But Tony didn’t have any spells or capes to fix this.  His fate was going to be decided by a jury of his peers.  It was going to a vote.

Common law prevailed, and Tony was given a week 18 redemption shot by a League! vote of 8 to 3 to 1.  It was time to see how Tony would respond.

VOTE TALLY OR GLADIATOR THUMBS UP

Tony prevailed, beating Cox 159.06 - 144.08 in Bobble Bowl XIX.

In one of the wicky wildest endings ever, Tony had finally done it.  He had come out the other end of a fantasy season with a bobblehead on his mantle and a set of clean sheets on his bed.

Congrats, Mr. Tony on finally making it into Bobblehead immortality.

(RALPHIE GIF)