Reichert Pulls Off Miracle, Wins First Real Bobblehead

Fresh off relegation, Reichert came into the season as a longshot.

He did the math. He even had Hans help him with it…it had to be right. He knew that only half of the teams that had been relegated previously had gone on to make the playoffs their first year back. So winning a championship? His first year back? Ha. That’s like Herriott lapping someone while drinking beers or Moeller not waking up with powdered donut crumbs on his face on draft weekend. Unthinkable.

But you don’t throw a whole season away just because you’re banged up a little bit. And Reichert wasn’t ready to throw in the towel on his season…banged up or not.

And so Draft Day arrived. Like Sweets leaving Vegas, Reichert was anxious. He didn’t have any fancy draft picks or algorithms on his side. He was sticking with his usual combo…BLLs and shitty takeout pizza. But something else was in the air. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It wasn’t the smell of farts or vape pens. It was destiny.

The season started with Da Biscuit coming out of the gates…slowly. After two weeks of photo finishes that he lost by less than 3 points each, Da Biscuit was starting to lose hope. 0-2 was a tough hole to dig yourself out of, and Reichert knew that all too well. But Reichert also knew something else. He knew that everyone loses a couple…and you either pack up and you go home, or you keep fighting!

And so Da Biscuit fought.

6 of the next 7 weeks, Reichert found himself in the winner’s circle and with a 6-3 record through 9 weeks. That stretch included a week 5 embarrassment of longtime rival B Scott, the same B Scott that sent him packing on his Relegation vacation two years prior. 235.18 points later, Reichert broke the all time record for most points scored in a single week while simultaneously sending B to his basement to regroup over a glass of fancy whiskey.

Da Biscuit was hitting his stride and other teams were starting to notice.

The sudden surge caused Winter Meetings to start early. Billy fleeced Hans, Smitty added depth to his already stacked team to inevitably blow it in the playoffs like we knew he would, and Grabs led with his heart (shocker) and paid whatever it would take to add Kamara to his lineup. Reichert added some pieces at the last minute too, but still, it looked like his run was over. He galloped into the playoffs with back to back losses as the #5 seed without much gas left in the tank. It was time for destiny to take the reigns.

First was #4 Carmen. Reichert had lost to Carmen twice in the regular season. One loss as fresh as the week prior, where Carmen only started 6 people vs Reichert’s 9. But this time was different. For the first time all season, Carmen was starting a full lineup, and Da Biscuit was gearing up for one of the greatest runs in history. On the final hours of his 38th birthday, Reichert won by a nose, beating Carmen by less than 2 points on Monday night at Soldier Field.

Next up was #1 Billy. The super of super teams. The sultan of swat. The collosus of clout. The buster of busters. It appeared that the dream season was all but over. But rounding the final turn, Da Biscuit made his move. Again losing going into Monday Night football, Da Biscuit stormed away with a victory, this time by 50.

Reichert was going to his first championship in 12 years.

He would be taking on Mr Big Day himself, #3 Grabs.

Grabs was no slouch. He was in the middle of a big, big season. He broke the record for most weekly highs in a season, most total points in a single season, and most red bulls drank in a single season.

Reichert was going to need a miracle, and he was gearing up for #onelastride.

And sure enough, like Seabiscuit 101 stuff, history unfolded. Da Biscuit saw Grabs get out to an early lead. He had him right where he wanted him.

Da Biscuit slowly caught up, looked Grabs in the eye, and that was that. Da Biscuit was gone.

Reichert ended up beating Grabs 214.04-142.26 in the 2nd biggest blowout in championship history. He broke the record for most points ever scored in a championship along the way, crossing the finish line with a reservation at the 200 club.

With the win, Reichert became the first manager ever to win it all after being relegated. He set records for most points scored in a single game, most points scored in a championship, and most likely to celebrate the win well into the offseason. All while winning his first real bobblehead.

Congrats, Commish, on a truly remarkable season!